Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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