when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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