Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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