My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
