he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
