another moral hangover. fuck.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
