i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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