D3 body, D1 cock
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize