There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
