yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
