This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
