two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
