why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
