Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
