I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
