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i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
