before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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