the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
