Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
