mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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