I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
