Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
