Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
