You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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