Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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