I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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