i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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