I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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