I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
