and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
