Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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