College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
