I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She swung at the pinata with crutches
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
