why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
