Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize