I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
