Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
