so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
