So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
