ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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