just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
