I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
