i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How external is "for external use only"?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
