the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
why do cheetos always look like penises
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
