You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
