Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
