You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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