i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
