Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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