is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
