Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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