Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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