I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
