I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
