he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
