I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
