i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
