So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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