I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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