She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He better not be in your backpack
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i now understand why vodka
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
