all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
