i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
