I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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