Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
