I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
