we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
