Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
